Hindi nya pa sinasabi sa akin na nasaktan ko siya. Or if ever nasasaktan sya ng walang rason. Hindi nya pinapasok ang mundo ko. Hindi siya nag-eeffort. 1 year and 2 months na kami as of now.. HAHA. Biruin mo sa tagal na yun, wala akong narinig sakanya.
Ngayon pakiramdam ko, napapagod na akong makipagsiksikan. Pero of course hindi ko sasabihin sakanya. Kasi kahit pa sabihin ko, hindi naman nya ito mapapansin. Pag-aawayan lang namin. Siya pa magagalit. Balisang balisa ako ngayon. Nalulungkot ako. Matamlay. Walang mapagsabihan kasi kundi ang blog na to. Gusto ko sana nababasa nya to. Pero alam ko naman na hindi. Dahil kahit naman kailan hnd siya nag-effort na alamin ang nararamdaman ko. Marahil sawa na siya. Dahil kasi nuon parati kong binubulalas sakanya lahat ng sakit na na-fefeel ko. Feeling ko tuloy nakikipagplastikan lang ako, ngiti ng ngiti sa harapan nya. Sa mga messages namin. Kapag may bumabagabag hindi ko nlang pnphalata. Kapag may nasabi syang nakakasama ng loob. Binabalewala ko nalang. Hirap kasi eh. Baka dumating sa punto na sobrang annoyed na sya. Mahirap naman un diba. Pag kinakamusta nga ako, nakaprogram nalang mabuti, masaya, okay lang, ang mga maaari kong isagot. Gusto ko ipakita sakanya na wala akong kaproble-problema. Ung tipong masaya. Ngunit sa isang tab sa browser, nakabukas ang blog ko, at dun ko nilalabas lahat ng hinanakit ko. Hindi ko nga rin sasabihin kung kelan ako uuwi. Para may panahon pa ko mag-isa. Magdamdam ng ganito. Lam mo nararamdaman ko ngayon. Gusto ko mabasa nya to. Pero he doesn't care about my blog. He doesn't really really care about my feelings. Marami pa ko gustong sabihin. Pero feeling ko mejo useless lang. Baka hindi lang sya ma-annoy. Kayo pang nakakabasa nito. HAHA.
____________
Nang dumating ka na hindi inaasahan
Para bang tumigil ang mundo
Tumigil ang lahat ng nasa paligid ko
Ikaw lamang ang nakikita at naririnig
Nang masilayan ang mukha mo
Hindi inakalang titigil ang mundo
Nakatitig sa'yo, buong-buo
Ikaw lang nagpatibok sakin ng ganito
Laging pinaghahandaan
Bawat araw na nagdadaan
Nagbabakasalaking mapansin
Kausapin at mahalin
O sadya parin tumitigil ang mundo ko
Tuwing nandyan ka sa tabi ko
Nababaliw at takang-taka kung bakit
Sayo lamang nahulog ng ganito
Sana sagutin ang panalangin ko
Nag-aabang at naghihintay ako
Na balang araw mahalin mo rin ako
Para gumalaw ang mundo ko.
__________________________________________________
crying..
Emotions on Fire @ 8:52 AM | back to top
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i-speak-u-listen.blogspot.com
the ocean cries
light to dark
everyone dies
left no spark
red to blue
what it means
old to new
i wish it was
playing with words
really fun
jungling swords
dead and gone
you understand
pointless structure
breaking bond
you get the picture
_____________________________________________________
do you get my little free verse poem?
but i know you dont get everything because...
______________________________________________________
ever tried this? im doing it actually.
____________________________________________________
hell sorry cause this blog is my emotional escape.
hell hard i cant annoy him right haha. :))
i hope someone comes for me. someone who i can annoy all day and night long..
moreover, how i wish it is you .. x))
©copyrighted 2009
i-speak-u-listen.blogspot.com
Mahirap makipagsapalaran sa larangan ng pag-ibig.
Maraming hindi inaasahan, hindi rin maiaalis ang masaktan.
minsan puno ng panaghoy, minsan puno ng saya
ngunit konti lang ang pinalad, nakahihigit parin ang nabibigo.
May mga nararamdamang hindi maipaliwanag,
hindi rin maisiwalat.
Bawat sandali ay puno ng mysterio
Tila ba'y nababalot ng majika.
Hindi maipaliwanag ang ganda ng ngiti kapag kayo na
hindi rin maipintang mukha kapag naghiwalay na.
Samu't saring katanungan ang bumabagabag
Tulirong tuliro sa buhay
Ano ba talaga
Minsan kasi mas mahal ni babae si lalaki
Minsan din mas mahal ni lalaki si babae
Bakit hnd pwedeng parehas ng gramo ng pagmamahal
Wala ng mas pa o nakalalamang
Ang hirap eh, magulo talaga eh
Hinagpis nalang dahil kulang ang salita
Nakakabwisit, nakakainis
Bakit hindi pwede maging pantay
Kailangan pa kasi mawalan ng gana
Bat pa kasi may pustahan pa ng paramihan ng minahal eh
Bat pa kasi may singit na third party kung minsan
Nakakairita sa pakiramdam
Lalo na kapag first time mong magmahal
Hindi mo alam kung anong tawag sa pakiramdam na yun
Kapag ipinapaliwanag sa salita
Parang nasa bingit ka ng hiwalayan
Desperado ka na buhayin ang namamatay na apoy
Lahat ng effort gagawin mo
Magbubulag bulagan sa sakit ng paso na natatamo
Mapasiklab lang muli ang apoy na naglalaho na
Minsan napapagod na
pero paggising hala sige sa parin sa pagsuyo
ngunit dati naman ikaw ang laging sinusuyo
sakto talaga ung kantang 'Tunay na mahal'
try mo pakinggan
minsan naiisip na maghanap nalang ng iba
pero kasi natatakot makarma
kaya wag nalang
hala sige nalang sa pagpapakatanga
umaasa nalang dumating si prince charming
pero umaasa din na bigla siyang magbago
at hilahin ang kamay ko
at suotan ng singsing
nakakatakot talaga ang pag-ibig
san san dinadala ang imahinasyon mo
kani kanino nalang binibigay ang puso mo.
bigla nalang din, sanhi ng kamatayan mo
hays tama na nga
bka tamarin na ang mambabasa
:)
Emotions on Fire @ 7:32 AM | back to top
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i-speak-u-listen.blogspot.com
I guess this blog is where I really end up when I feel so sad huh?! Haha. :))
I can't really say everything is a mess. It is just that I don't know where to place myself amidst the sadness engulfing me and myself. :))
There's been too little and too many that's so happening in the world, in my world. Is there something like my world in the first place? Oh what am I blabbering. :)) I am really going insane, I think I already am.
Going serious, the world is in a big turmoil. Crisis everywhere, then chaos will follow next. People are losing their morals, hastily becoming liberated. I don't like the idea of liberalism. It is so unworldly. I think we should go back in the past during 1840s or something because there's much more place for happiness than selfishness. There's less chaos and more peace. Well, why am I bothering about these things? Maybe due to boredom.
Well, let's talk about figures. Body figures to be exact. Do we (girls/women) need to be slim just to be loved by men? It's silly. Do we need to be liberated or have a daring personality just to be liked by many? Do we need to smoke and drink alcohol just so to be cool and fit in? Do those mini shorts and boobs-showing dresses make us sexy? Don't you think it's way more than that? Well I think not all men looks for physical features when looking for a woman to marry. But deep inside them, they want their girlfriends to be pretty, isn't it? Of course it'd be a great turn off to have sex with a plump woman. But aren't those plumps more delicious than those bones? Well it's all because of that great trendsetter somewhere in America who is at fault of the unworldly views the people are following right now.
Well enough of questioning, the very root is, I am sad. Way so sad. Because I am one of those plumps, but my face is pretty, average!! Hmm don't mind me, it's just to boost my confidence. :( Yes, sadly I bother about my physical attributes. I don't know what to do just to make myself become a little skinny. Well my face has no use now since my boyfie doesn't compliment it anymore. Lol. Oops sorry for sharing this kind of things, it sucks but really, in this kind of world today, there's no escape to modernism. Well, I don't mind about the rest, but I don't want to lose someone important to me just because of that. Ughh, enough I hate this topic.
Isn't this long? I want to end it. Don't bother with this nonsense blabbering. Bye bye. :))))
Emotions on Fire @ 6:45 AM | back to top
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i-speak-u-listen.blogspot.com
Yeah, it'd be nice. I wonder if you feel the same way too. =(
This is just simply sweet. :">
This never happened to me, and worse, it is impossible to happen. Haha. I can't even imagine it. But anyway, this is really really, really sweet. :"> :"> :">
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i-speak-u-listen.blogspot.com
It's hell hard to be a girlfriend for the first time.
Hard enough when you don't know what to do, when you're just so insane, acting through your heart, not even thinking, just saying all that you feel.
Doing all crazy things to make your partner happy, when in the end just making him angry.
Showing off your talents, like writing poems, singing , and etcetera just to hear a praise or a compliment by your lover and since you want him to know that he's lucky for having you.
Learning to be beautiful, like applying make-up, when it isn't really your style, but for the sake of your partner, cause you don't want him to be embarrassed when walking with you.
Can't help feeling like a big pain in the ass when you can't help him with his problems.
Gathering all the courage in the air, to make him laugh and comfort him during his downfalls, but in the end, it isn't even a bit working.
Asking him to hang out with you which means swallowing your pride and asking him for a date just to strengthen the bonds between the two of you.
Not attending the events I really wanted to go to just for him, yea, even if it's your most awaited-event since childhood. you won't attend it, cause you want to see him, and you want to be with him.
Talking to the boys who loves you, and saying how handsome some other man is when he's really not, just to make him jealous.
Can't be angry, cause whatever happens, the one who ends up angry is only him and cause he can just stop talking to you in a month or so, but unfortunately you can't bear not to talk to him in a month or so, ending up retreating.
Chasing him, always saying sorry, cause too afraid that you might lose him which means you'll experience break-up for the first time.
Being too attached with his family, loving his mother like your own, caring for them like your own.
And hell yeah, gathering all the courage and energy for saying I love you and I miss you
every time, and each time you tell it you mean it, but you can feel through his eyes and voice that he's been tired of hearing it.
Now tell me what the fuck is wrong. So is it because I'm too exaggerated upon loving you? Oh well sorry, the next time you know, I'll be too cold towards you. I know I've been too conceited. I know I'm acting beyond the boundaries. I claim that it's always me that is at pain, because of you. I know I'm wrong for that. Wrong for claiming that it's always me, wrong for shouting it to the whole world through facebook and twitter. Who knows maybe you're also in pain. Who knows maybe all the pain you feel is stuck and building up inside you, cause you won't tell anyone, cause you don't want them to get the idea that I'm bad.
Sorry, I'm an insensitive, bad-ass girlfriend.
Sorry if I always shout to the world how much you have hurt me. Sorry but I don't want to die in a heart disease for keeping the pain and leave it building up nw inside cause who knows maybe it'll explode one day, which means a heart attack, so damn it but sorry I don't want to die early.
And oh, guys and men of the world, I know what you're thinking. That's just complains right? Come on, don't we have the right to complain? Tch.
Emotions on Fire @ 1:22 AM | back to top
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i-speak-u-listen.blogspot.com
Love doesn't ONLY means happiness
needle-like things piercing through my heart,
enough for separating my body and soul apart.
you know what it means when its life and death
slowly, gradually, rapidly taking away my breath.
is this what you call pain or is it some other feeling
in crowd you smile as if the ache is not even hurting
smiling, laughing, wishing someone would save you
inside the cage, crying, shouting, someone would free you
where is the key to eternal happiness
does it even exist in this darkness
loving someone wouldn't mean happiness
it also means being trapped in darkness
-Ren
Emotions on Fire @ 10:05 PM | back to top
©copyrighted 2009
i-speak-u-listen.blogspot.com
No Title
empty body walking dead
all the tears she shed
for him it's nothing
for her it's everything
giving him yourself in a hundred percent
being loved by him is zero percent
when is it fair, when is it mutual
happy, sad, pain, what an endless cycle
just how lucky are some to find their someone
who would answer their heart's call
just how miserable she is with her only one
who would never be his one and only at all.
if only our hearts can be taught
if only happiness could be bought
money would just be everything
no need for love coz its nothing
-Ren
Emotions on Fire @ 8:47 PM | back to top
©copyrighted 2009
i-speak-u-listen.blogspot.com
Tomorrow I want to go to the Beach
tomorrow i want to go to the beach
want to watch the waves of the sea
to witness the rise and set of the sun
and feel the flow of energy within me
my, isn't it a lovely feeling
peaceful and calm wind breezing
telling you life is a paradise
wherein reality is full of lies
fool are we trying to explore
something we couldn't reach
imaginations upon beyond seashore
remains imaginations even after death
endless rebellion inside us
war within ourselves
weak and fragile like glass
couldn't resist harshness of fate
tomorrow i want to go to the beach
continue living in illusions
believing beyond is what i imagine it to be
and so achieve happiness through imaginations
(:
-Ren
Emotions on Fire @ 8:21 AM | back to top
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i-speak-u-listen.blogspot.com
There were so many changes in my life since I migrated here in Philippines. It's inevitable but why so sudden and rapid?
I'm currently studying in University of Santo Thomas, 1st Year Legal Management Student in the Faculty of Arts and Letters, and this is all for my ambition to become a lawyer. Rather than just a dream, I'm walking forward and surpassing all trials to attain it, I think? I honestly admit I'm not doing my best or rather I never had done my best. Elementary or High School, and nothing changes even now that I'm in college. I'm grade conscious and all but it feels like I can't give it my all. I don't know why but I'm not really studying, yet my grades are still good. I am not bragging but rather I'm guilty. I do not deserve these grades, that's what I honestly feel. Coming home from school, I rarely open my books and do my assignments, I just read manga, watch anime and dramas, and facebook all the time. I feel like I'm cheating. Honestly. Oh well, that's for my academic life.
On the other hand, I became a loner. Not exactly alone, I do have friends and all, but I don't feel them. I'm stuck with my old friends whom I all met in my former hometown, Jeddah Saudi Arabia. There's no bond at all at right now. I still feel alone. I feel unwanted. It's like no one understands me. I wonder if there's such thing as a barrier that hinders me from being understood by others. Well, total opposite in the online world. I do have many friends. Many adores me, many admires me, many tries to steal my heart, but it isn't enough. That's why I deactivated my account which gave me those feelings. I'd rather invest time and effort on making friends here in the real world. But I guess it isn't just for me, having best friends that is. Oh well, that's for my social life.
Boyfriend eh? All-in-one man. He's my best friend, my boyfriend, my soon-to-be-husband. The only reason why I still have my sanity here in this country is because of him. But really, problems would never stop coming. My relationship is DAMN forbidden. I hate that part really. And so moving on, imagine living in a country where neither your parents or siblings are. How lonely, since I grew up with them. Imagine living in a house where even if the persons living there are your own family are all depressed. No comes a day where there no lectures or sermons or no one is angry. It's very different from the environment I used to live in. I was never confronted with the harshness of life and money till I lived here. I rarely felt the problems, like life is problematic and such. I lived in a half-paradise before, but I dare say, I live in a half-hell environment now. Oh well, that's my love and family life.
My blog life, I am rarely posting, but I'm trying my best to post again and again. I miss writing poems, composing songs and all, maybe I should write one. Later, I will. (:
That's it for now. :<
Good Day everyone! :)
Sorry for the wrong grammars and all, I'm drunk T_T
Emotions on Fire @ 5:56 AM | back to top
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i-speak-u-listen.blogspot.com
Disappointment is the bitter effect of expectations. I always hear at movies and especially with my friends during high school that when you got a boyfriend/girlfriend, your world would be different. You'd feel butterflies in your stomach, you can't even sleep even if you want to, you can't eat, cause your mind is full of thoughts about him/her. They even said that even after endless talking, there would be no such time where you will run out of topics. Another thing they said is that no matter how much tired you are or even how much tired your lover is, when the two of you talked, talked and talked, tiredness will fade, and both will become enthusiastic. In my mind, I'm doubtful, I'm curious. In my heart, I'm totally excited, maybe this can help me escape loneliness. And so I tried to change my fate.
I began to search and fortunately I found one. I'm so enthusiastic and eager to verify if those things they said are true. Months passed, my happiness was unparalleled. But after some time, loneliness again appears. I can feel his boredom towards me. I can feel his tiredness upon me. Every feeling he has, good or bad, it all reaches me. Even my dreams keep on telling me, every nightmare during nights, when I can't help but wake from that nasty dream and suddenly realized tears itself are flowing, every signs there are, they keep on showing me, that someday this man will leave me alone. Harsh realities as it is, it's as if I want to break my world, and build a whole new world, but it means death in reality. I wonder every time, where is my place, where I can be filled with unending joy? Why is this world cruel? Mountain of questions I have, but only have this single, deepest wish, to attain happiness, not alone, but with someone walking down the rocky road path of life with me.
It sucks to always dream, fantasize, and hope. Many times have I tried to accept this, but it's just too painful to accept. It's as if for the rest of your life, you'll be living with regrets, disappointments, and bitterness. Well, it just proves that nothing lasts forever isn't it? Even that feeling of happiness you cherish.
But what is this feeling? It is as if you're hopelessly, desperately clinging, holding on, as if you can't ever let go, and that's because you feel there's a tiny chance, a tiny hope, that even if it is tiny or a bit, even if it takes forever to happen, you're willing to hold on, to endure all pain, to persevere all hardships. Have you ever felt that way? Or is it just me? :c
Emotions on Fire @ 1:55 AM | back to top
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My life remains to be in agony. Pain is my best friend. Happiness is my enemy. I never thought I would be like this. No one to hold to. No one to talk with especially during this times. Will someone ever recognize me and make me feel the butterflies in my stomach? Will someone ever give me a rose and a chocolate just to make me smile? Will someone ever just embrace me and pet my hair and listen to me cry? Will someone ever hold my hand and open my eyes that the world is beautiful. Will someone ever tell me that they wanna be with me all the time? Will someone ever love me more than I love them? Really, life is frustrating. Nothing's perfect. But as cruel as it seems, nothing's even close to perfect. Everything is the same. In reality, there's no such ideal things or human. I'm bound to go away from the world of fantasy. and I'm bound to linger and savor every pain in reality.
©copyrighted 2009
i-speak-u-listen.blogspot.com
Love never fails, but people do. Let me share my story about it.
It will be soon before it ends. A month is too much soon and a year is too soon. But years will pass and it's soon enough. My fate is pretty determined, pretty predictable. My love story is short. And I hope everything'll be fine. But hoping is just merely wishing. And a wish just comes true in fairy tales.
My father, pretty much my family don't like this man. Even though this is my first time to love, they don't understand me, they keep on telling me that this is not the one for me, that my beloved man will just kill me or destroy my future. And if I insisted on being with this guy, my father told me that he can order someone to kill him! And what the fuck, the hell! I just can't accept it! I badly want to tell them that if he will kill me, then I must be dead by now. But what happened with me? Did something happen? Am I dead? But I know, they won't even listen to my explanation, they would just spank me, slap me, ground me, or even isolate me from the world. What do they think of me? A doll!
Damn it, but they tell me all these things with authority. And who am I to answer? i have no such authority to talk back, cause I am just merely their daughter. If I speak just a word, it would be considered talking back therefore disrespecting them. It sucks you know. This feeling of having no chance to fight for something so significant, so important?! But I got no power. In the end I am just helpless, torn between the paths of my happiness and my loneliness. Leaving this man would make me lonely, though my parents are gonna be happy. But being with this man makes me complete. I have proved it many times that I dearly love this man. But my parents keep on dictating me. Fuck it, I have no power! Damn so much, I keep on questioning the heaven, the skies, the souls, why o why don't my parents give me a chance to be with the man I love! This sucks too much, I can't breathe in anymore. I can't hate them, can't despise them, because without them I am not here, but what the hell do I feel? I don't want to be with them, cause being with them brings back the lonely feelings that's already buried deep inside me. What am I supposed to do?
Then I made one step forward the path of loneliness. I lied and insisted on breaking up with him. Cause I know this is the right thing, I'd rather break up with him and watch him from afar than knowing he's dead. But really fate is playful, he doesn't accept this. Even though I told him that if he insist on loving me he will be in danger, he accepts it. He said he can't leave without me, and it's his first time loving this much. He even said that this is his first time pleading, he pleaded for me not to leave. I don't know how to respond. I am so happy hearing and feeling, knowing that he loves me this much. What the hell, I am supposed to take the path of loneliness! But every second, every moment, little by little, I am turning my back on the path I've chosen. This time my heart decides for me, and my heart has chosen to take the other route which is full of risk.
I love him, and I will respect his decision to stay with me, even if it'll cost his life. He is happy with me, and it's my honor. I am doing this cause I know, someday along the rains or the shiny days, he will be forced to leave me, he will be forced to break my heart. Or maybe I will fall to another man. We can't accurately predict the future. But it's within our hands. And I will keep on loving him, keep on staying beside him, and when the gun is ticked, I will be the one who will take the bullet for him.
©copyrighted 2009
i-speak-u-listen.blogspot.com
There is something in his eyes I wish to know. Everything’s changing I know, but my gut feelings are telling me that’s it’s for worse. This is what I fear – to know that his love for me is actually fading and for worst, without him himself realizing that. I am scared for that day to come, when I will ask the blue skies where his love has gone, where his eyes are looking, and for whom is he breathing now for? …
Who am I to begin with? What in me is supposed to likeable eh? I can never be the kind of girlfriend he would ever like. I don’t know what’s supposed to do when in a relationship. Having no experience whatsoever, I admit, all the faults are on my side. The only thing I could do, whether wrong or right is to love, love, and love. I cannot see but I can feel that this wouldn’t be everlasting as I would hope. He is definitely blooming. He is looking good, and better, I’m pretty sure next time he would be at his best. And for that matter, I can’t look at him; I can’t handle the hotness I’m feeling. And so there comes the time I pity myself. A man as handsome as him won’t look good with an ugly fat girl like me. And as early as now, I know I cannot satisfy him in bed because I’m not that attractive like I was before. I hate to be compared, but here am I comparing myself from his previous girlfriend, and I therefore conclude, I would never ever be as good and as cunning like her when it comes to bed. HAHA. And so seeing merely his looks changing little by little makes me question myself. Do I deserve this guy? Does he deserve someone just like me? When in fact, I’m just a 15 year old girl who is merely lost in her huge dreams? I can tell. His eyes are telling me, I am not the type of girl he would be serious with for long. He even doesn’t like to talk with me about his future plans and etcetera. But nonsense since he would just deny it, and much worse, he really doesn’t know it, yet…
Seriously, when will I come to back to my sanity and stop clinging onto this lovely man? When will I stop this craziness and let this man go? When will I finally accept that I was really never meant for him to begin with? When in reality I just snatched him from his previous woman? When will this madness end? And goodness gracious, when will a miracle happen? A miracle that we could and would be together despite all the odds…
Final thought eh? I DON’T WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME …
©copyrighted 2009
i-speak-u-listen.blogspot.com
Dito ko na lang sasabihin. Magkukubli na lamang ako sa likod mga salita. Mga salitang saksi ng bawat sakit at kabiguan. Mga salitang tanging nakakaalam na ang tapang na ipinakita ko ay balatkayo lang. Mga salitang katumbas ay luha.
Ang sabi mo kagabi babawi ka.
Naghintay ako. Walang ibang laman ang isip ko buong maghapon kundi ikaw. Hanggang sa mga sandaling ito ay naghihintay ako na magparamdam ka. Ngunit sadya nga talagang kinalimutan mo na ako.
Ano nga lang ba ako para sa'yo? Isang dakilang nagmamahal lang. Kahit pa sasabihin kong hindi ako humihingi ng kapalit, umaasam pa rin ako na susuklian mo ang pagmamahal ko para sa'yo.
Lalo lamang nadagdagan ang takot ko ngayong wala na ang dahilan upang manatili ka. Ang pinanghahawakan ko na lang ngayon ay ang pangako mo. Pero hindi ba, promises are meant to be broken? Iyon ba ang dahilan kung bakit ka nananahimik ngayon?
Kung aalis ka man sa buhay ko, magpaalam ka naman sana.
Kasi masakit ang patuloy na umasa sa wala. Alam mo iyon. Minsan mo nang pinagdaanan iyon.
Hindi ko nga alam kung paano mo nagagawang balewalain ang nararamdaman ko para sa'yo. Pero siguro, hindi ako kasing-espesyal o kasing importante para sa'yo.
Nasasaktan ako ngayon. Umasa ako na dadamayan mo ako sa pinagdadaanan ko. Nais ko sanang marinig ang boses mo upang kahit paano ay gumaan man lang ang nararamdamang kong bigat ng dibdib ko pero wala ka. Siguro nga, kinalimutan mo na ako. Paano mo nagagawa iyon? Maaari mo ba akong turuan? Nang sa ganon ay makalimutan ko rin na nasasaktan ako dahil sa'yo.
-masakit nanaman.. Hindi ko lam kung nakakarelate ba ako. Pero hnd ko alam talaga. Masakit lang. Dama ko lang ung sakit nung nagsulat nito.. :'( Emotions on Fire @ 3:49 PM | back to top
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Maari ba kitang yayain sa isang natatanging paglalakbay pabalik sa aking nakaraan? Isang yugto sa aking buhay kung kailan nagmahal din ako at nasaktan. Isang kahapong humubog sa kung sino at ano ako ngayon.
Nais kong ipakilala sa'yo ang aking sarili. Upang maintindihan mo na hindi ako dating ganito. Iniisip mo siguro na wala na akong ibang alam gawin kundi ang umiyak at maging mahina. Umaasa akong sa pagbabalik natin sa aking nakaraan ay makikita mong naging matapang din ako. Na hindi ako laging mahina. Na minsan ay nagtiwala din ako ng lubos ngunit ako ay nabigo. Na minsan ay ibinigay ko ang aking puso sa isang lalaki at umasa ako sa pangako niya.
Kung nakilala mo siguro ako noon at naitanong mo sa akin kung ano ang kahulugan ng salitang "forever", iisang pangalan lang ang isasagot ko sa'yo. Ang pangalan niya.
Ngunit napagtanto kong ang "forever" pala ay hindi totoo. Minsan pa nga ay ginagamit lamang ang salitang ito upang magbigay ng isang pangakong walang katuparan. Walang katotohanan at walang kasiguraduhan.
Sana sa pagbabalik natin sa aking nakaraan ay naiintindihan mo na ako. Kung bakit ako ganito ngayon. Kung bakit natatakot akong mawala ka sa akin o kaya ay magsawa kang intindihin ang kakaibang takbo ng aking utak. Natatakot akong mapapagod ka sa paghihintay ng aking pagbabalik.
Palagi akong insecure hindi dahil nagdududa ako sa pag-ibig mo, kundi dahil nagdududa ako sa kakayahan kong mapasaya ka. Sa lahat ng pinagdaanan ko, pag-ibig mo na lang ang natitirang magandang bagay sa buhay ko.
Hindi na ako naniniwala sa "forever" ngayon. Ang pinaniniwalaan ko na lang ay ang puso ko. Dahil palaging sinasabi nito na mahal kita. Madalas kumukontra ang isip ko pati na ang mga tao sa paligid ko. Pero hindi nadidiktahan ng sinuman ang bawat tibok at bawat pintig dahil lahat ng iyon ay para sa'yo na.
At kung tatanungin mo ako ngayon kung gaano kita kamahal. Iisa lang ang isasagot ko sa'yo. I love you more than all of me. More than every breath. More than every heartbeat. Umaasa akong ganon ka din.
Sana.
- nalungkot ako nung binasa ko yan.. Hehe. Dama ko talaga ang sakit. Dama ko yung paghihirap. Dama ko yung pagmamahal. Maging ako umaasa din. Umaasa... :'] Emotions on Fire @ 8:01 AM | back to top
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i-speak-u-listen.blogspot.com
You are the reason of my happiness.
As well as the subject of my weakness.
I know I am to blame of my own sadness.
But poor me, I don't know what to do next.
During sad times, I'm trying my best to smile.
But for now let me just be true for a while.
Like alice in wonderland, I'm drown in my tears.
Oh I hope you are here helping me conquer my fears.
Like the thin wind that blows upon my hair.
In dark shadows where I wish you still care.
Clashes of thunders, storm of tears raining.
Pain and everything I am silently screaming.
Emotions on Fire @ 9:59 AM | back to top
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i-speak-u-listen.blogspot.com
I was so empty before, till you came.
You filled me up with the love that was never the same.
You made me feel like everything is in place.
Funny how my love for you grew just in days.
Baby come on, hold my hand and never let go.
I wanna let you know again and again that I love you so.
Babe we're going on a journey just the two of us
Let's make every moment and the magic last
The pain and the sorrow, I can take it.
As long as you're with me, I can make it.
And when promises are meant to be broken.
Promise me you'll never love me again.
©copyrighted 2009
i-speak-u-listen.blogspot.com
A rainbow without rain.
A love without pain.
A true smile that radiates.
A true bliss that elates.
The world is innocent.
So better not be silent.
Release your voice.
Dance and rejoice.
Someday your wishes will be heard.
All your fears will be conquered.
Someday miracles will happen.
And hearts won't be broken.
Someday the thorns won't prick.
No one would be weak and sick.
Someday life will change like a magic.
No one will end up tragic.
Lead our hopes in that someday
Until then stay strong and pray.
Nothing is impossible.
Everything is possible.
Emotions on Fire @ 3:06 PM | back to top
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i-speak-u-listen.blogspot.com
Ilang araw na ba ang nakalipas?
Simula ng aking talikuran ang landas
na tinatahak kong akala ko'y mabuti,
yun pala'y dulot sakin ay pighati.
Wala ng makakapagpabago pa sa nakaraan.
Ganun rin sa desisyon kong ika'y talikdan.
Nakipagkaibigan at sumama ako sa iyo,
sa aking buong akala na sasaya ako.
Hindi ko inintindi ang mga sakit noong una.
Ngunit nang nagtagal hindi ko na maiwasang lumuha.
Sinuway ko ang aking mga magulang,
upang sa iyo lamang ay huwag magkulang.
Ngunit anong iyong ginawa sa akin,
walang awang ako'y iyong inalipin.
Ngunit ngayon nagising na ako sa katotohanan,
na ika'y isang kalokohan lamang.
Emotions on Fire @ 2:30 PM | back to top
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i-speak-u-listen.blogspot.com
Just a few moments ago,
I’ve called you.
And when you said hello,
I became a statue.
I never imagined that I really have missed you.
Never thought it was so true.
If only you knew,
how hard this pain I’ve been goin through.
Second by second that I’m hearing your voice,
made me stand up from my seat and get a tissue.
For I look like an idiot crying in rejoice,
now wiping these tears, thinking of going to you.
As if we were in a fairytale, fighting in full scale.
Making our dreams come true, making us breakthrough.
All throughout I just want you to know that this tale,
would never ever end even with a simple I love you.
Emotions on Fire @ 6:50 AM | back to top
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i-speak-u-listen.blogspot.com
It ’s so refreshing to my eye,
that I can't help but cry.
Because it's 7:30 am and I can't see you,
no presence at all, no hi, no hello, no you.
I was looking for you.
I was searching for you.
But we are miles away,
that I couldn't accept this way.
Sometimes I asked myself if there's really forever,
then I remembered those times we've been together.
While reminiscing those memories, I’ve come to know the funny answer.
It is being with you is the meaning of my forever.
Emotions on Fire @ 2:55 AM | back to top
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i-speak-u-listen.blogspot.com
Now how I wish I could see you,
for my soul is getting bluer and blue.
Without you I’m terribly terrified,
and gotta be ok if you were just by my side.
Thinking of what to do, I sit down in my chair.
I get the calendar and count the days.
I counted and counted, till then I wasn't aware,
that tears were falling so fast as if there was a race.
Soon as I noticed, I wiped these tears streaming in my face.
Then I remembered how you wiped my tears from those days.
I was so freaking hurt coz I want you again to wipe these tears,
how I hope you were here to stop these conquering fears
I was crying so hard that even my breath can’t take place…
I was so scared, so afraid, so much that I need your embrace...
Emotions on Fire @ 2:38 PM | back to top
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i-speak-u-listen.blogspot.com
As lay in bed,
I can’t get rid of this habit,
which is thinking of you.
And I wonder why in any circumstances,
I simply can't get rid of this feeling
which is missing you.
Even if I reach out to the moon,
the sun won't still shine for me.
I wonder if I can fix this tune,
so I can hear no stops in the cd.
In short I want no blocks,
for I’ll destroy all locks,
that keeps you in a distorted cage,
and keeps me disturbed in stage.
I want to see you,
and that's because I miss you.
And that's reason why I need you.
And it's all because I love you.
Emotions on Fire @ 5:34 AM | back to top
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As I open my eyes from sleep,
I saw no you that made me weep.
Those days that we both spend together,
is long gone just fast as a feather.
Now my heart aches so badly.
As I feel so broken and lonely.
I hate it, today and tomorrow.
As I continue to feel this sorrow.
And at this very second I’m crying and it's all because I love you too much.
I am so weak and vulnerable that I want and absolutely need to feel your touch,
to the point that I’m so helpless that I can't restrain myself from missing you.
And this drives me insane that I want to spend every single day of my life with you.
I miss you!
Emotions on Fire @ 11:04 AM | back to top
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i-speak-u-listen.blogspot.com
Malapit na ako magtapos ng highschool. Magcocollege na ako next school year. Ang bilis ng panahon. Mag-gagraduate na ako after 3 months time. Hayy. Kararaan ko lang sa napakadaming bagyo at pagsubok. Isa na ruon ang pagkuha ng UPCAT. Madali lang kung tutuusin. Kulang lang talaga sa oras. Kaya naprepressure at hindi nakakasagot ng matino. Bukas naman, USTET kukunin ko. Wala akong napag-aralan. Kasalanan ko rin naman kung hindi ako makapasa diba? Pero hindi ko talaga kasi alam kung anu ang pag-aaralan. Wala akong ideya. Kaya hihintayin ko nalang ang bukas na dumating at magdadasal nalang ako sa Diyos na sana makapasa ako. At hayy naku, isa pa tong mga magulang. Iniisip ang kanilang kahihiyan kapag hindi ako nakapasa. Kasalanan ko parin ba yon? Kung yun ang kaya ko, bakit hindi nila tanggapin. Nag-eexpect na naman sila. At eto naman ako nababagabag sa mangyayari. Ayoko sila ma-disappoint pero higit sa lahat ayaw ko namang ma-disappoint sarili ko. First section ako, hindi sa pagmamayabang. Pero nakarating ako dun dahil mahilig ako mag-recite at ma-vocal ako. Pagdating sa written, loser ako. Kaya kinakabahan ako. Ano na lamang gagawin ko? Hayy. Sana lang talaga makapasa ako dito. Dahil yung UPCAT at USTET lang kinuhanan ko ng exam. Kung hindi pa ako makapasa, san na lang ako pupulutin. Hayy, Hakuna Matata nalang. :)
Emotions on Fire @ 10:44 AM | back to top
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I've been a maiden in-love for months.
And just a while ago have I turned to a fallen angel.
I liked him so much and I thought I had the chance.
But it's all false, he's damn gay, what a great epic fail.
Sadness lingers in my heart, disturbance is created within my soul.
I'm shattered, I never knew I was such a turtle, been so slow.
He was so sweet to me that I thought I was playin d girlfriend role.
And now I know, I was such a feeler, carried away with the flow.
Now at house, I stomp over things, screaming "He's gay! He's gay!"
I don't know what to do, I can't understand why and how,
He's so damn masculine and attractive that he would always make my day,
but now it's no more, it's over, and again it ended, another failed vow.
Screw gays who won't tell the truth. Pssssh :(
Emotions on Fire @ 2:19 PM | back to top
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i-speak-u-listen.blogspot.com
I hate liars, users, posers, betrayers,
but sometimes I mostly hate damn players.
They play with you and all,
makin you fall for nothing at all.
You got to test that person first,
before his real intentions burst.
And when at last the time comes I have proven it
I realized I was just stupid as it is and so damn it
Out of this throbbing ache knowing I was completely treated as a fool,
I furiously came out of my silent shell with burning rage losing my cool.
Yet I am an educated woman, so I painstakingly freed that boy from prison,
and so in the end even though I know he deserves it, to God I left the decision.
I guess it's too much to expect to have a serious relationship.
It's like holding on to a slippery pole to survive in a sinking ship.
I hope the next time I fall in love even if it's merely an infatuation,
I won't experience any agony nor pain for a change in situation.
You Player: by Ren Concha Emotions on Fire @ 8:14 AM | back to top
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i-speak-u-listen.blogspot.com
I regard my hobbies as my very own passion.
That's why people told me I have a weird obsession.
But I don't care, I'm happy and it's because of various reasons.
They are my true friends, their presence shines in all seasons.
I play drums and never get tired of it each session.
I love cute stuffs, anime, manga, in short I am an otaku in action.
I dream of being a president, I am afraid of no cautions.
I am a creature of grandeur, I won't be someone of foolish treasons.
Before I was such a little bitchy girl with fair complexion.
Now I am a big matured girl who changed because of devotion.
Looking back in the past of my life which I colored with crayons,
It transformed with rainbow colors and is now full of stars of zillions.
With those little things in life I set my eyes with admiration,
I never thought of those as my secret obligation.
This passion was made out of my pure and untainted dedication.
And thus set my humble declaration.
It was my lone intention not to be someone of the world's pollution.
That's why I have made no violation of rules, no need for negotation.
I am the one and only product of the universal collision.
I seek of the one and only truth of reality's illusion.
Fusion I: by Ren Concha Emotions on Fire @ 10:50 AM | back to top
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under the table?
inside the trash can?
Wherever you are, no matter what happens, I'll still find you and get you back into my arms again~ ♥
~~
You are different from the other girls I've met,
In my whole life, you were the first to touch my soul.
Things have gotten good, bad, better and worst,
Yet you never showed weakness neither pain nor hesitance.
I am enlightened, to think that someone like you still exists.
In this world, I couldn't find anyone better and best than you.
You are my red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet.
You completed the colors missing in my lone white and black world.
It may seem cheesy, but I wonder how can I say this to you.
I never did confess in my whole life, and later, I am about to.
I am afraid you reject me, I am afraid you don't even like me.
That's why I'll wait no matter how long, for this infatuation to bloom into love.
So, sorry if I was harsh in any way, but I need to be tough.
Cause a man like me is shyly, madly and truly in love with a woman like you.
So, even if I crash the places you are hiding from,
And steal you from your silent and frightened shell,
Don't be afraid, I won't make you cry, I won't harm you, I won't bite, because I respect you.
I love you <3
Shy Man's Toughness: by Ren Concha Emotions on Fire @ 2:49 AM | back to top
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i-speak-u-listen.blogspot.com
was doodled at 8:52 AM with 0 notes | 
NAME: Ren, RenRen, Lay, Xychii, Tsukky